I don’t quite remember how many years ago I lasted posted about anything. One of the many reasons I deluded myself into not blogging or writing was I broke my anonymity. I shared this wordpress link to my personal facebook and most often people remember what I write. And that somehow bothers me. A part of me wants to be seen but another part would like to stay in obscurity.
It’s almost 3AM. Same thing I used to do years back was stay awake when everything’s dead silent and cry and laugh and contemplate and write. So where did all that time go?
It feels like a lot of things have changed, I’ve let a lot of things go yet I feel I still write for the same reason I wrote before. To make sense of this emptiness yet not quite empty feelings. For if it were truly empty then I wouldn’t have felt this suffocating feeling and wanting to throw up.
I feel I still write for the same reasons before. It is quite a selfish act, writing – to release the endless mindless chatter now. But does the mindless chatter ever stop? It doesn’t.
I’ve been shifting from sadness, loneliness, to satisfied these past days. I guess a person’s passing and a celebrity for that matter, one that I even did not follow so closely has impacted how I respond to life. He looked happy, with hints of being tired and sad, yet happy. I shift from denial to bargaining and a little bit of anger. They say its three of the five stages of grieving. And I guess I mourn his passing beyond my own expectations.
So, where did all that time go?
My Life is a Journey 