I haven’t been socializing the past few weeks. I’d rather stay at home and do my unproductive things. I find myself in bed most days. I tell myself after this one game or after this one episode, after I take a bath, I’ll do what I’m supposed to do. And it just became a cycle of broken promises to myself. And now, I was scrolling through my feed and every personal post from friends and family of any celebrations of everyone smiling, feels so fake, and to a point I feel fake myself.
I have a lot of things to do and I keep putting them off. In my head I want to start them but I end up greeting the next day not having finished anything. I guess, I can’t find a comfortable conclusion for now.
I’ve researched about it. This feeling of looking at everyone and everything as fake or unreal – in psychology they call it depersonalisation derealisation. They say 2% of the World population have this constant ongoing feeling of everyone and everything is fake. While 75% of the World population may experience this feeling at least once in their lives. But compared to the 75% who experience this as a fleeting moment, the 2% have this consuming feeling throughout their lives.
This must be the effect of stopping my daily meditation. Every idea also seems hard to actualize and follow-through. I don’t even have a motivation to get up sometimes. But I feel a bit better now.
Thank you for listening to another incoherent post.
Note to self: Try Sunya for at least 2 minutes a day no matter where I am. And run someone’s Bars or ask someone to run for meeeeee.
My Life is a Journey 